Blair Witch

November 27, 2017

In 1999 "The Blair Witch Project" delighted horror audiences and spawned an endless sea of film's trying to cash in on the found footage craze inspired by it. In 2016 "Blair Witch" promised a return to form for the franchise but ultimately ended up forgotten before it was even released. Our film this week is the latter of the film's mentioned above and we can honestly say it was forgotten for good reason. A video surfaces online which shows footage of the first film's protagonist Heather. Her brother, driven to discover what happened to her assembles a team of friends to enter the woods in attempt to find her. There are so many good ideas that this film introduces and then immediately discards. It's unfortunate as this leaves the film feeling...wait for it...FORGETABLE. We appreciated a return to the found footage format but it's easy for the audience to lose interest before anything actually starts happening. It's not quite as bad as "Book of Shadows" but still misses enough marks to be mediocre at best. Be forewarned, we spoil an hour of people screaming "Peter!!" 

00:0000:00

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

November 20, 2017

Our film this week is the black sheep in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" series and not to beat a dead horse but if you haven't yet seen the Cannon film's documentary "Electric Boogaloo" we highly recommend it as a companion piece to any Cannon film. This follow up to the original 1974 "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" once again focuses on the cannibalistic exploits of the Sawyer family. While featuring some of the same characters from the original the tone of this film could not possibly be more different. In true Golan/Globus fashion this film is a much campier pic than the original which suits some audiences better but may be a dissapointment to those who enjoyed the first film. If you haven't seen this film, as always here's your full spoiler warning although the most we'll really spoil for you is the super low final kill count.

00:0000:00

Death Note

November 5, 2017

This week we are joined by a special guest, our friend John Mark to discuss the film "Death Note". Based off a long running manga series, the film version has been maligned by countless anime fans since its release. Not being huge anime fans ourselves we came at the film without any preconceptions. While the premise and a couple of characters are extremely interesting, the film misses the mark in more than a few ways. The story revolves around an angsty teen (is there any other kind) Light Turner who is delivered a tome which murders people provided their names and methods of demise are written in the book. The caretaker of the book is a demon named Ryuk who seems to have a more sinister objective for the book and it's user (as demons often do). The film actually feels like it's taking decades worth of content and condensing it to a 90 minute run time. What's there is underdeveloped, incomplete and at times utterly uninteresting. Still, it's a worthwhile experience if just to witness Willem Dafoe's performance as Ryuk. If you have any intention of watching the film there are full spoilers contained in this episode, if you don't care and insist the anime is better no matter what...go ahead and hit play.

00:0000:00

Deep Blue Sea

October 28, 2017

We'd like to take a moment and offer our support to those who work tirelessly to find a cure for Alzheimer's. Whether you run marathons, send money to charity or create a genetically altered, intellectually superior race of killer mutant sharks the most important thing to the afflicted...is showing that you care. We would also like to recognize those in Hollywood who altruistically sacrificed their careers to star in this week's film "Deep Blue Sea". Let's not forget the scores of animators who likely never saw another paycheck follwing their work on this film. Last, but certainly not least...let's all take a moment to remember the director who's only film since was a direct to DVD film starring Johnny Knoxville. Honestly you could do so much worse for a shark action/horror film (looking in your direction Sharknado). It's mindless campy fun with about 45 minutes of solid limb ripping fun and 45 minutes of utterly terrible dialogue capped off by the worst LL Cool J song you've ever heard. The biggest spoilers on this episode are the deaths which are the main reason to watch this film so if you have any interest at all...watch the film first.

00:0000:00

Suspiria

October 15, 2017

This week's film is the 1977 "classic" horror piece "Suspiria". Highly lauded as a masterpiece of horror we understand the film is well loved but couldn't find much to love about it ourselves. A young dancer from New York has been accepted to a presitigious dance Academy in Europe. Upon her arrival strange events begin to plague the Academy and the young American girl seems to be at the center. While at times the directing makes competent nods towards Hitchcock and Lynch techniques the story and character development leave a lot to be desired. By modern standards this is a slow and difficult film to watch but may fare better if it's not your first viewing. If you've yet to watch this film beware the story spoilers however the story is it's weakest aspect so we won't be spoiling much.

00:0000:00

Catwoman

October 3, 2017

At this point in the podcast we've watched a lot of films that we would consider the worst of their genre. This week our film is the absolute worst superhero film of all time "Catwoman". Vaguely resembling the DC comic of the same name (if you squint hard enough mid stroke) this film follows Patience Phillips (that's right...not Selina Kyle) as she is imbued with an ancient Egyptian cat soul which causes her to wear leather, tell off her boss, hiss at dogs and suddenly kick ass at basketball. Complete with action scenes shot so poorly you'll get motion sickness, a sidekick who basically stops a hair shy of sexually assaulting every man in the film and an overwhelming number of camera pans across a terrible CGI city they didn't even have the balls to call Gotham. I'll throw out the obligatory spoiler warning but seriously, don't watch this film. It is literally the worst. Period. 

00:0000:00

Star Trek Beyond

September 27, 2017

Our film this week is either the best or worst Star Trek film in the reboot trilogy. "Star Trek Beyond" seemed to polarize us according to how much we enjoyed the previous Star Trek franchise films and series. Star Trek Beyond follows the crew of the Enterprise as they embark on a deep space rescue mission which results in the crew being stranded on an alien planet. If this traditional Star Trek story set up has you excited then you likely fall into the camp of those who will enjoy this film. It really does nothing new for the franchise but rather serves as a love letter to the previous versions of the Enterprise crew. If you're more a fan of the reboot series this film will still be an enjoyable ride but may not do as much to impress you as the first two films. This is a decent film regardless and if you haven't seen it yet just be warned that full spoilers will follow.

00:0000:00

Innerspace

September 14, 2017

Our film this week is the 1987 Martin Short classic "Innerspace". Jack Putter is a high strung supermarket employee who's about to know what it feels like to have a fit and lean 1980's version of Dennis Quaid inside of him. When Tuck Pendleton is selected to pilot an elite craft designed to be shrunk and injected into a biological specimen; a laboratory break-in and incidental hypodermic mall injection find the two literally joined together. It then becomes a desperate gambit for Pendleton to escape before his air supply runs out or Putter is killed by rival scientists preoccupied with gaining the technological edge. As children of the 80's this is yet another awesome, nostalgic trip for us however we also feel it holds up well enough for newcomers to find it enjoyable. Though the second half may drag a little we were still mostly pleased with the cast, effects and humor in this film. This is definitely one you'll want to watch before the podcast if you haven't seen it already. 

00:0000:00

Nine Lives

September 8, 2017

Our film this week is the body switching embarrassment "Nine Lives". Kevin Spacey plays New York real estate mogul Tom Brand who like every successful man in a body switching movie lacks the ability to connect with his family and needs to be taught a lesson about appreciating what he has before it's gone. Tom will feline (malign but you know...requisite bad cat pun) the day he meets mystic pet shop owner Felix Perkins (Christopher Walken) who inexplicably possesses the power to place a human consciousness in a feline body. Awful, computer generated cat antics ensue and at the end...we're not even sure a lesson was learned. Watching a live cat for 90 minutes is a much better alternative to watching this film. It literally combines a lot of our least favorite cinema elements (bad child acting/horrible CGI/jokes that never find footing) into one flaming shit bag that we dissect for your (and our own) amusement. If we somehow manage to spoil this film for you then your reading comprehension skills are clearly so low that there is no adequate way to apologize or forewarn you of spoilers.

00:0000:00

Creed

September 1, 2017

This week's film is the latest intallment in the long running Rocky saga "Creed". Adonis Creed is an up and coming amateur boxer who in spite of being innately talented also happens to be headstrong, undisciplined and in need of guidance. Adonis moves to Philadelphia seeking the aid of his father's former rival and friend Rocky Balboa but finds much more than mentor. While this film hits many of the same notes as the original "Rocky" film, it is brilliant in it's execution and presentation. Most notable are the wonderful and authentic performances from each and every cast member. This film is a literal masterpiece regardless of whether you like boxing or have seen prior Rocky films. Please, please, please watch this film first to avoid spoilers. Then listen to the podcast...then watch Creed again.

00:0000:00