Death Sentence

January 19, 2018

Everything you need to know about this week's film "Death Sentence" can be summed up by a succinct description; It is a 2007 revenge film starring Kevin Bacon and directed by James Wan. What this should tell you is that it is a competently made film which seems to adapt plenty of familiar movie tropes but never expand them into grounbreaking territory. Even the set up to the film seems to be riddled with cliches and is immediately recognizable as a tired and familiar formula. Financial CEO and all around perfect suburbanite Nick Hume is thrust into a war with gang members when his son is murdered during an initiation. See? There are a few surprises and you could certainly do worse things with 105 minutes of your life but the overall consensus seems to be that this is a forgetable and uneven film. We're obliged to warn of spoilers but let's be real...if you do so much as read a plot description...you'll immediately know where this is headed.

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End of 2017: The best of Alzheimer’s

January 7, 2018

Before we took some time off we pre-recorded a best of 2017 episode detailing the various media we enjoyed most in 2017 (whether it was released in 2017 or not). From movies to games to television we serve up a fun, casual episode of all things good in 2017. No spoilers or film to watch for this one, simply enjoy! Thanks for listening and here's hoping 2018 isn't a horrific shitpile!

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Bram Stoker’s Dracula

January 7, 2018

We are back from the holidays discussing the film adaptation of "Bram Stoker's Dracula". Gary Oldman stars as the titular count in what we consider to be the 90's film with the largest wardrobe budget. While it's difficult to ignore the style and panache of the film, the bad acting and Shakespearean play influenced direction are impossible to ignore. Regardless of the feelings this film may leave you with, it certainly has not aged well and is definitely too long for it's own good. If it's taken you 26 years to watch this film I've gotta say at this point the spoilers are on you. 

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Blair Witch

November 27, 2017

In 1999 "The Blair Witch Project" delighted horror audiences and spawned an endless sea of film's trying to cash in on the found footage craze inspired by it. In 2016 "Blair Witch" promised a return to form for the franchise but ultimately ended up forgotten before it was even released. Our film this week is the latter of the film's mentioned above and we can honestly say it was forgotten for good reason. A video surfaces online which shows footage of the first film's protagonist Heather. Her brother, driven to discover what happened to her assembles a team of friends to enter the woods in attempt to find her. There are so many good ideas that this film introduces and then immediately discards. It's unfortunate as this leaves the film feeling...wait for it...FORGETABLE. We appreciated a return to the found footage format but it's easy for the audience to lose interest before anything actually starts happening. It's not quite as bad as "Book of Shadows" but still misses enough marks to be mediocre at best. Be forewarned, we spoil an hour of people screaming "Peter!!" 

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

November 20, 2017

Our film this week is the black sheep in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" series and not to beat a dead horse but if you haven't yet seen the Cannon film's documentary "Electric Boogaloo" we highly recommend it as a companion piece to any Cannon film. This follow up to the original 1974 "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" once again focuses on the cannibalistic exploits of the Sawyer family. While featuring some of the same characters from the original the tone of this film could not possibly be more different. In true Golan/Globus fashion this film is a much campier pic than the original which suits some audiences better but may be a dissapointment to those who enjoyed the first film. If you haven't seen this film, as always here's your full spoiler warning although the most we'll really spoil for you is the super low final kill count.

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Death Note

November 5, 2017

This week we are joined by a special guest, our friend John Mark to discuss the film "Death Note". Based off a long running manga series, the film version has been maligned by countless anime fans since its release. Not being huge anime fans ourselves we came at the film without any preconceptions. While the premise and a couple of characters are extremely interesting, the film misses the mark in more than a few ways. The story revolves around an angsty teen (is there any other kind) Light Turner who is delivered a tome which murders people provided their names and methods of demise are written in the book. The caretaker of the book is a demon named Ryuk who seems to have a more sinister objective for the book and it's user (as demons often do). The film actually feels like it's taking decades worth of content and condensing it to a 90 minute run time. What's there is underdeveloped, incomplete and at times utterly uninteresting. Still, it's a worthwhile experience if just to witness Willem Dafoe's performance as Ryuk. If you have any intention of watching the film there are full spoilers contained in this episode, if you don't care and insist the anime is better no matter what...go ahead and hit play.

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Deep Blue Sea

October 28, 2017

We'd like to take a moment and offer our support to those who work tirelessly to find a cure for Alzheimer's. Whether you run marathons, send money to charity or create a genetically altered, intellectually superior race of killer mutant sharks the most important thing to the afflicted...is showing that you care. We would also like to recognize those in Hollywood who altruistically sacrificed their careers to star in this week's film "Deep Blue Sea". Let's not forget the scores of animators who likely never saw another paycheck follwing their work on this film. Last, but certainly not least...let's all take a moment to remember the director who's only film since was a direct to DVD film starring Johnny Knoxville. Honestly you could do so much worse for a shark action/horror film (looking in your direction Sharknado). It's mindless campy fun with about 45 minutes of solid limb ripping fun and 45 minutes of utterly terrible dialogue capped off by the worst LL Cool J song you've ever heard. The biggest spoilers on this episode are the deaths which are the main reason to watch this film so if you have any interest at all...watch the film first.

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Suspiria

October 15, 2017

This week's film is the 1977 "classic" horror piece "Suspiria". Highly lauded as a masterpiece of horror we understand the film is well loved but couldn't find much to love about it ourselves. A young dancer from New York has been accepted to a presitigious dance Academy in Europe. Upon her arrival strange events begin to plague the Academy and the young American girl seems to be at the center. While at times the directing makes competent nods towards Hitchcock and Lynch techniques the story and character development leave a lot to be desired. By modern standards this is a slow and difficult film to watch but may fare better if it's not your first viewing. If you've yet to watch this film beware the story spoilers however the story is it's weakest aspect so we won't be spoiling much.

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Catwoman

October 3, 2017

At this point in the podcast we've watched a lot of films that we would consider the worst of their genre. This week our film is the absolute worst superhero film of all time "Catwoman". Vaguely resembling the DC comic of the same name (if you squint hard enough mid stroke) this film follows Patience Phillips (that's right...not Selina Kyle) as she is imbued with an ancient Egyptian cat soul which causes her to wear leather, tell off her boss, hiss at dogs and suddenly kick ass at basketball. Complete with action scenes shot so poorly you'll get motion sickness, a sidekick who basically stops a hair shy of sexually assaulting every man in the film and an overwhelming number of camera pans across a terrible CGI city they didn't even have the balls to call Gotham. I'll throw out the obligatory spoiler warning but seriously, don't watch this film. It is literally the worst. Period. 

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Star Trek Beyond

September 27, 2017

Our film this week is either the best or worst Star Trek film in the reboot trilogy. "Star Trek Beyond" seemed to polarize us according to how much we enjoyed the previous Star Trek franchise films and series. Star Trek Beyond follows the crew of the Enterprise as they embark on a deep space rescue mission which results in the crew being stranded on an alien planet. If this traditional Star Trek story set up has you excited then you likely fall into the camp of those who will enjoy this film. It really does nothing new for the franchise but rather serves as a love letter to the previous versions of the Enterprise crew. If you're more a fan of the reboot series this film will still be an enjoyable ride but may not do as much to impress you as the first two films. This is a decent film regardless and if you haven't seen it yet just be warned that full spoilers will follow.

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