Brawl In Cell Block 99

February 10, 2018

When it was announced that our film this week was "Brawl In Cell Block 99" there was a fair amount of groaning and eye rolling. A revenge film starring Vince Vaughn and Don Johnson? Maybe you're having the same reaction at this very moment. Maybe the plot synopsis: Following a failed drug deal a convicted criminal is blackmailed into an assassination plot by a drug cartel using his kidnapped wife and unborn child as leverage...does little to assuage your fears. It would be fair to assume that this 2017 film with a relatively unknown director and limited theatrical release wasn't worth your time. After our viewing this week the only thing we can say is that this film is incredible and the assertion is unanimous. This is a grindhouse masterpiece and one of those rare, unknown gems that you have to experience. Normally we'd get all tongue in cheek on the spoiler warning but seriously DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN THE FILM. 

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What Happened To Monday?

February 3, 2018

Why is every filmmaker's vision of the future all dark and dystopian? Oh...that's right because people are garbage and the world is slowly circling a toilet bowl filled with remnants of whiskey shots and indigestible fast food burger patties. Speaking of garbage humans and splattering bodily fluids this week's film "What Happened To Monday?" features plenty of both. In a *surprise* dystopian future where couples are only allowed one child per household a woman gives birth to septuplets who are named for each day of the week. In order to keep their existence hidden each child is designated the day of their namesake to wander the world as a singular entity known as Karen Settman. Unsurprisingly, the facade doesn't last and they are soon discovered resulting in a desperate fight for their very existence. Even though this film has a lot of really great ideas none of them  translate to a genuine, thrilling cinematic experience. Not to say this film isn't worth the price of admission as there are some truly great action sequences peppered with brutal and surprising death scenes. It might be the overall potential of this film that serves as it's most disappointing element when at the end you've discovered that you saw every single major plot twist coming a mile (or kilometer for our international listeners) away. We unanimously recommend that you watch this film prior to the podcast due to some of the more shocking and fun moments that make it worth the viewing.

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The Money Pit

January 27, 2018

We take another 80's nostalgia trip with this week's pick "The Money Pit". After being evicted from their New York apartment Tom Hanks and Shelley Long find a perfect house in the countryside that seems too good to be true. As they start to move in it becomes apparent the house wasn't the deal of the century as everything in it slowly begins to fall apart. This movie seems to exist to answer the question "Can a movie subsist entirely on the charisma of Tom Hanks?". The answer it seems may depend on your level of nostalgia for this film and your tolerance for over the top slapstick comedy. With truly cringe worthy ancillary characters and a plot so paper thin it would buckle under the weight of Kardashian modesty...this is a hard one to recommend if you haven't seen it before. Still, there are some fun moments for those who appreciate shallow, physical comedy. Once again I'll warn of spoilers but it seems incredibly reluctant in a film that's basically 92% sight gags.

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Death Sentence

January 19, 2018

Everything you need to know about this week's film "Death Sentence" can be summed up by a succinct description; It is a 2007 revenge film starring Kevin Bacon and directed by James Wan. What this should tell you is that it is a competently made film which seems to adapt plenty of familiar movie tropes but never expand them into grounbreaking territory. Even the set up to the film seems to be riddled with cliches and is immediately recognizable as a tired and familiar formula. Financial CEO and all around perfect suburbanite Nick Hume is thrust into a war with gang members when his son is murdered during an initiation. See? There are a few surprises and you could certainly do worse things with 105 minutes of your life but the overall consensus seems to be that this is a forgetable and uneven film. We're obliged to warn of spoilers but let's be real...if you do so much as read a plot description...you'll immediately know where this is headed.

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End of 2017: The best of Alzheimer’s

January 7, 2018

Before we took some time off we pre-recorded a best of 2017 episode detailing the various media we enjoyed most in 2017 (whether it was released in 2017 or not). From movies to games to television we serve up a fun, casual episode of all things good in 2017. No spoilers or film to watch for this one, simply enjoy! Thanks for listening and here's hoping 2018 isn't a horrific shitpile!

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Bram Stoker’s Dracula

January 7, 2018

We are back from the holidays discussing the film adaptation of "Bram Stoker's Dracula". Gary Oldman stars as the titular count in what we consider to be the 90's film with the largest wardrobe budget. While it's difficult to ignore the style and panache of the film, the bad acting and Shakespearean play influenced direction are impossible to ignore. Regardless of the feelings this film may leave you with, it certainly has not aged well and is definitely too long for it's own good. If it's taken you 26 years to watch this film I've gotta say at this point the spoilers are on you. 

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Blair Witch

November 27, 2017

In 1999 "The Blair Witch Project" delighted horror audiences and spawned an endless sea of film's trying to cash in on the found footage craze inspired by it. In 2016 "Blair Witch" promised a return to form for the franchise but ultimately ended up forgotten before it was even released. Our film this week is the latter of the film's mentioned above and we can honestly say it was forgotten for good reason. A video surfaces online which shows footage of the first film's protagonist Heather. Her brother, driven to discover what happened to her assembles a team of friends to enter the woods in attempt to find her. There are so many good ideas that this film introduces and then immediately discards. It's unfortunate as this leaves the film feeling...wait for it...FORGETABLE. We appreciated a return to the found footage format but it's easy for the audience to lose interest before anything actually starts happening. It's not quite as bad as "Book of Shadows" but still misses enough marks to be mediocre at best. Be forewarned, we spoil an hour of people screaming "Peter!!" 

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

November 20, 2017

Our film this week is the black sheep in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" series and not to beat a dead horse but if you haven't yet seen the Cannon film's documentary "Electric Boogaloo" we highly recommend it as a companion piece to any Cannon film. This follow up to the original 1974 "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" once again focuses on the cannibalistic exploits of the Sawyer family. While featuring some of the same characters from the original the tone of this film could not possibly be more different. In true Golan/Globus fashion this film is a much campier pic than the original which suits some audiences better but may be a dissapointment to those who enjoyed the first film. If you haven't seen this film, as always here's your full spoiler warning although the most we'll really spoil for you is the super low final kill count.

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Death Note

November 5, 2017

This week we are joined by a special guest, our friend John Mark to discuss the film "Death Note". Based off a long running manga series, the film version has been maligned by countless anime fans since its release. Not being huge anime fans ourselves we came at the film without any preconceptions. While the premise and a couple of characters are extremely interesting, the film misses the mark in more than a few ways. The story revolves around an angsty teen (is there any other kind) Light Turner who is delivered a tome which murders people provided their names and methods of demise are written in the book. The caretaker of the book is a demon named Ryuk who seems to have a more sinister objective for the book and it's user (as demons often do). The film actually feels like it's taking decades worth of content and condensing it to a 90 minute run time. What's there is underdeveloped, incomplete and at times utterly uninteresting. Still, it's a worthwhile experience if just to witness Willem Dafoe's performance as Ryuk. If you have any intention of watching the film there are full spoilers contained in this episode, if you don't care and insist the anime is better no matter what...go ahead and hit play.

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Deep Blue Sea

October 28, 2017

We'd like to take a moment and offer our support to those who work tirelessly to find a cure for Alzheimer's. Whether you run marathons, send money to charity or create a genetically altered, intellectually superior race of killer mutant sharks the most important thing to the afflicted...is showing that you care. We would also like to recognize those in Hollywood who altruistically sacrificed their careers to star in this week's film "Deep Blue Sea". Let's not forget the scores of animators who likely never saw another paycheck follwing their work on this film. Last, but certainly not least...let's all take a moment to remember the director who's only film since was a direct to DVD film starring Johnny Knoxville. Honestly you could do so much worse for a shark action/horror film (looking in your direction Sharknado). It's mindless campy fun with about 45 minutes of solid limb ripping fun and 45 minutes of utterly terrible dialogue capped off by the worst LL Cool J song you've ever heard. The biggest spoilers on this episode are the deaths which are the main reason to watch this film so if you have any interest at all...watch the film first.

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