This week we discussed Eli Roth's directorial debut, "Cabin Fever". A group of requisite horny flesh sacks/stereotypical horror fodder make their way up to a remote cabin in the woods to drunkenly grope each other and generally debauch the pristine wilderness. Their fun is abruptly spoiled by a man carrying a flesh eating virus which then makes its way through the group of teens one by one. While basically an hour long set up to a shitty racist joke you could certainly find worse films on any one of the major streaming services. This is far from a recommendation however and if you haven't seen the film don't bother putting it on before listening to this episode.
This week we watched the "exciting" remake to the "classic" original "Kickboxer Vengeance". When his brother is killed in the ring by the brutal and ruthless Thai martial artist Tong Po, fighter Kurt Sloane vows revenge. Motivated by "Vengeance" Sloane finds the laziest trainer ever (who consequently failed in training his brother) in order to exact his retribution. With some decently coreographed fight scenes you could certainly pick a worse action film but there is literally nothing to distinguish this movie from a sea of other equally generic action fare. The good news is with almost no story to speak of it is virtually impossible for us to spoil the 90 minute training montage that is "Kickboxer Vengeance".
A first in the history of this podcast as we deliver a spoiler free episode in our discussion of Christopher Nolan's first film "Following". We loved the film but found it hard to discuss due to a complex story which is told out of sequence (though brilliantly executed). We did somehow still manage to spoil the Kevin Bacon TV series "The Following" as well as address some seriously poignant issues...like why there's never been a sequel to the now 27 year old game "Wing Commander". This may be the most off topic we've ever been but we had a great time seeing how far we could stray from the source material!
This week is our first attempt at a horror anthology discussion as we examine the film "Southbound", a collection of five different stories focused around a veritable highway of the damned. Each traveller faces their own personal version of hell with varying degrees of effectiveness and originality. In the end there are only a couple of true standout moments as a majority of the film dips into standard horror fare. The film is worth viewing particularly for the short entitled "The Accident" however the other stories will do little to excite a seasoned horror audience. While not truly offensive in it's mediocrity you may be better served by fast forwarding to "The Accident" and letting us spoil the rest as we pick apart the best and worst elements of the film.
Ever since the second Terminator film Hollywood has been trying to recapture the same emotion, imagination and ingenuity. While they've never even come close before surely including a "Social Media" spin on the Skynet program, Nu-Metal spelling of said program "Genisys" and an old Schwarzenegger Terminator absolutely must have created the perfect mix of ill-thought out marketing elements to make the film spectacular right? Beyond that I'm certain everyone who grew up with and loved the first two Terminator films always wanted a modern take where they "reboot" the whole timeline and essentially erase the history of the only decent films the franchise ever produced right? Lastly, it would absolutely have to star one of the leads from the superb 2016 summer hit "Suicide Squad" to be any good at all right? To think that somewhere and at some point before this atrocity was created executives sat and listened to a team pitch these abortions masquerading as ideas and decided to proceed with the production might give one an aneurysm. After watching this film however, you will wish that you had an aneurysm. The podcast may spoil the so-called "story" but the people responsible for the Terminator franchise are the real spoilers...
We're very excited this week to discuss another film directed by E.L Katz who was also responsible for the film we discussed on our very first episode (Cheap Thrills). "Small Crimes" follows a disgraced cop Joe Lannister (I know that's not his name but it's so much easier than saying Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) as he is released from prison after serving a six year sentence for attempted murder. Seemingly determined to go straight and reconcile with his young children Joe is quickly pulled back into the world he tried to leave behind. This film drops massive piles of emotional bricks on it's audience and it makes for one hell of an entertaining movie. We all highly recommend viewing the film before checking out this episode.
Based off the name of a Brett Easton Ellis book (and literally nothing else) our film this week is one that Robert Downey Jr. credits as the beginning of his spiral into drug addiction, "Less Than Zero". The film's only semblance of a protagonist Clay returns from his first semester of college to discover his best friend Julian has become a drug addict. Between the set up and the end we witness Clay relentlessly pursuing his former high school girlfriend and occasionally threatening Julian's drug dealer. Beyond that there is no other substance to this film. The characters are terrible people who are all self-interested, spoiled rich brats with literally no redeeming qualities. The entire film is basically one terrible plot device looped over a variety of SoCal settings. The most satisfying thing about this film is the fact that it eventually ends (I would say the music but you'd be better off putting on an 80's Pandora station and repeatedly whipping yourself in the legs with a yard stick). At least we had fun tearing yet another terrible film to shreds. Please save yourself the pain of watching this refuse and allow us to spoil it for you.
The original "Robocop" film was a brutal, fun, poignant action flick which touched on a number of moral, technological and socio-economic themes. Our film this week is the sequel "Robocop 3" which recaptures none of the magic though it retreads old ground thematically. Alex Murphy the titular "Robocop" must make a choice to serve the public or serve his brutal masters when evil, greedy, corporate megolomaniacs attempt to gentrify a run down section of Detroit. First, they must evict the current tenants by utilizing the most violent and ruthless means available to them. Will Robocop stand for justice? Or will he flail helplessly on the ground after a single jumpkick from a cyborg ninja? If you've heard the podcast then you immediately know the answer. If you haven't...then welcome to Streaming Pile of Flix where we spoil all of your wonderful childhood memories by discussing film sequels which should never have been made. Also movies...this one in particular.
Our unintentional 80's throwback streak continues this week with "Adventures in Babysitting". Alleged High School Senior Chris Parker has a hot date with her 30 year old boyfriend before he unexpectedly has to cancel (to chase some more high school tail). So when Chris is asked to babysit last minute for the Andersons she assumes it will be easy money. Things quickly take a turn for the worse as her dumb friend Brenda decides to run away from home and needs Chris to drive into the city to pick her up from the train station. It's nothing but a typical night of babysitting as the family is hijacked by a car thief, then during their escape steal a porno from the mafia, buy new tires from Thor and dangle an 8 year old out of a skyscraper. One of the few films in the 1980's featuring a ginger who isn't Anthony Michael Hall there are some moments that actually hold up...and others which remind you how terrible 80's films have the potential to be. Spoiler warning there is a musical number entitled "The Babysitter Blues" please avoid at all costs.
Our film this week is the 80's Corey and Corey classic "License to Drive". Sixteen year old Les Anderson is on the verge of vehicular autonomy when he moronically fails his driver's exam. Determined not to let a lack of legality stop him from having a night out with the girl of his dreams, he steals his grandfather's Cadillac and as often happens things go ridiculously awry. We were a little mixed on this one although the sentiment was mostly positive. Enjoyment of this film will hinge on how tolerant you are of the Coreys and perhaps 80's films and tropes in general. Enjoyment of this podcast however is guaranteed!**
**Guarantee valid only with sense of humor/tolerance of full spoilers.